Just another blog

Im not sure when I lost it.   Im not even sure where it would go, or if I ever even had it.  I felt it slip away.  I feel like i’ve tasted it…once maybe twice before but just for a moment.  Just long enough to make me think that it was real.  I’ve seen it though, or something that looks a lot like it.  Maybe a shadow of it or a reflection in something extrodinary. I have seen its after math.  I’ve watched people try to pick up the pieces, try to make them into anything that even resembled the original.  I’ve seen grown men buckle at there knees and women bury their heads in pillows. I’ve seen people lie awake thinking about it, like kids at camp, wondering if the stories are true, but there comes a point when we settle.  It might not be the real thing, but maybe its as close as it gets, or maybe……..if you would’ve kept looking you’d find out that the stories were true and you would really be…..one of the lucky ones

This is one of the new songs off of our acoustic ep “if only that will be out in Late July” Enjoy

“Pretty Lies”

I slip into her bed, its the only way I can forget
that she’s been doing the same thing with him
Im searching for a drug strong enough to knock me out
or a drink that strong enough to rip her taste from my mouth

if only I would have said what I wish i would have said

I started grinding my teeth and walking in the rain
im sleeping on the couch because the bed just seems so big
I waste away my days staring at the ceiling
praying to anything, hoping for some meaning

if only I would have said what I wish I would have said

She’s the beauty in my breakdown,
She’s the drug that gets me by
I don’t love her quite enough
It’s enough for tonight
I’ve got all the best intentions
practiced every line
to keep my hand from shaking
when I tell her all my pretty lies

I’ve been looking for a way any way to get over
When my morals start to fade, Im feel like im closer
She runs her fingers down my back
and I’m starting to forget
What I should have said
but i never did

I don’t get to spend a lot of time with my family but when I do I try to absorb as much as I possibly can from these people.  Although some of them may be much different in their lifestyle or beliefs than I am, I can’t help but enjoy the wonderful diversity that my family offers.  

For mothers day, a few weeks ago, my family decided to go to the biggest restaurant in the area, which just so happened to be a small town dumpy cafe with food that is edible but nothing to brag about.  Included with our meal was a salad bar.  Typical salad bar, you know the type,  Ice berg lettuce, 3 dressings, assorted cold salads and pudding. ( I have a point, I promise).  Me and one of my aunts were walking to the salad bar and she decided to get pudding instead of salad.  I thought this was a strange choice especially since she was always the most fit person I know.  She looked over at me and must have noticed my confusion and said ” always have desert first, you never know what could happen at dinner”.  I didn’t really think much of the statement at the time.

As the days began to pass after I started to think more and more about those simple words and they started to mean more and more to me.  I don’t know if she meant it literally or if it was just a fact in her eyes, but I took it as a moto to live your life by.

Dessert, to me, is anything that makes you happy.  It’s the parts of life that you have always dreamt about. The things that flooded your mind as an anxious child who couldn’t wait to grow up and change the world.  As for dinner, well dinner is your settling.  Its your means to an end.  It the things you do to get by.

I guess my real point in this entire rant is… Have your dessert first,  do the things you always dreamed of but are too afraid to try now.  Go out there and change the world, be the person your first grade self would want you to be.  Love more, learn more, risk more and be happy, because you never know what will happen at “dinner” and you will never get another chance to live in the moment you are currently in.  If you aren’t happy with where you are or whats going on in your life then change it.  Trust me as you grow up there will be plenty of time for “dinner”.

I’ve spend some time in my life trying to figure out what my “dreams” are.  I found some things and worked hard to achieve them.  I can honestly say if everything broke down at this point I would be proud of what I accomplished.  I would still have regrets and wonder what could have been.

I spend a lot of time talking to people who are at the supposed critical stage where need to decide what to do with the rest of your life.  I am gonna tell you something that my mom has told me my since I was a toddler.  ”Do what you love and the money will follow”.  I found that this may not be 100 percent accurate but I have changed it to fit the truth. “Do what you love and you will never look back and wonder what could have been”.  If you are reading this chances are you are young and trying to find some purpose in your life.  Here is my little piece of advice.

Follow your dreams regardless of how stupid they may seem (but remember your dreams will only come true if you are willing to work your ass of to get them, you will get no where sitting at home waiting for your life to start)

Never let anyone tell you that you arent good enough for something.  You are as good as you feel.  If you think you deserve to live in a trailer and fix lawnmowers (then thats all you will ever do) and maybe that would make you happy, but if you believe you deserve to have the best life you can possibly have then that is exactly what you will have.

Don’t forget to make a change in the life of some one else.  Im not gonna give you some big religious reason you should help others, Its just the right thing to do, Ive found nothing makes you feel happier and better about your self that putting a smile on the face of someone else.  Even if its something small.

Be Positive.  This is something I’ve struggled with myself.  Always looking at the negative gets you no where and eventually pushes you to depression.  Love your self and love others. 

Forgive (speaks for its self)

Last, don’t be afraid to fall in love, take chances on people. You are gonna get your heart smashed, you are gonna think that the life couldn’t get any worse but it only takes one person to change your entire world and make you forget everything shitty thats ever happened to you.

I am not a fighter, I am a lover who fights for what I believe in……

I believe in

You

me

Us

Love

I don’t know exactly who you are, or maybe I do

You might be someone I already know, or maybe we haven’t even met yet

Who ever you are and where ever you may be I am writing this to you….

I will never be perfect, or expect you to be

I may never be rich or famous

I may never buy you the house of your dreams

the car or your dreams

the ring of you dreams

I can’t promise that I won’t go bald with old age

I can’t promise that I won’t snore

I can’t promise that you won’t spend days

weeks,

months hating me

I can’t promise we will never fight

I can’t promise I won’t make you cry

I can’t promise that you won’t make me sleep on the couch

but I can promise

That I will believe in you more than anyone else ever has.  I will spend every day making you feel beautiful.  I will kiss your forehead more than your lips.

but mostly I promise that I will love you forever, I will love you more than anyone ever has or ever could.

And when the time comes to say goodbye to this wonderful life we shared,

I can promise you that I will remember every moment that you took my breath away and pray that I was able to return the favor..

I have

I do

I will

Always love

You

When the time comes, will you be to scared to do what you know you have to?  Will you take the easy way or will look at the task in front of you with anxious eyes?  Some people are blessed with luck, talent, money.  Others are willing to put their heart, soul and life into something they believe in.  Will we (the fighters) ever have what it takes to live up to the blessed few. Are we destined to live a back seat life, watching others fulfill their destinies while we can only hope for a “lucky” break.

Im scared to let you down, but…..

My biggest fear is letting my self down……

emilyhanson:

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